Now that the excitement of glitz and glam has worn off, Chris is ready to get down to business and find his one true love. Chris clearly doesn’t have a type and states that he will know who is meant for him when he falls in love with her. Until then, he will have fun kissing all the wrong girls. Because that’s what this show is about right? Seeing how many girls you can kiss before you find that one person whom you will kiss for the rest of your life?
The episode begins where it left off last week, with Kimberly coming back to the set to ask Chris for another chance at love. She tells him that they didn’t get a chance to talk all night, and she really thinks they will have a connection if they talk. She admits to the camera that she is a basket case but Chris doesn’t seem to mind too much because he says she can stay. When he returns with Kimberly, the rest of the girls cheer. Why? I have no idea because cheering is probably the appropriate thing they could think of doing while sitting on the floor with their nice dresses.
The next day Chris Harrison tells the girls there are no rules this season meaning that they can break into Chris’ home while he isn’t there (i.e. crazy Megan and Jillian) and scope the place out, whenever they want. The laws do not exist on the bachelor. Breaking and entering is A-okay.
On the first group date, only six girls are chosen. Kimberly, Ashley I., Jade, Mackenzie, Tara, and Tandra get to hang out with Chris all day, at least they think they do. Chris tells the girls they are going to have a pool party, and they are very excited. Except not really because they were probably hoping for a little something more entertaining. After the pool party, Chris takes the girls on a walk through LA in their bikinis. Turns out, Chris has a big ol’ tractor race planned. (Because girls wear bikinis in Iowa when they work on the farm…)
The girls get excited (of course) and Ashley I. wins. She gets special alone time on the tractor with Chris where she proves that she is really is “more Kardashian than country” (those earrings…really?) After champagne in the tractor, Chris returns to the rest of the group to tell them that he’s had a great day, but he wants to have an even better night with just Mackenzie. Now the real question is, where did Tara get her bathing suit? I want it.
Onto the “first” made-up one-on-one date. Mackenzie and Chris go to a bar while Chris silently prays that she is old enough to legally drink. She tells Chris how she loves big noses, which is why she likes him so much. “Hey Chris, I like big noses, aliens, and I like have a kid…” Because really, that’s kind of how it all went down. She explained that her child is “like amazing” and started act like a child (I mean she is only 21) when she started to talk about him. But hey, if Chris wants to marry someone like her, she is obviously there for the right reasons: To find an accomplished baby daddy.
The next day Mackenzie tells everyone how she kissed Chris “like 5 or 6 times.” Kiss and tell? Does that normally happen on this show? Juan Pablo wouldn’t approve….
Megan gets the first real one-on-one date, which surprises me because I don’t even remember her from last week. They take a helicopter ride over the Hoover Dam and the Grand Canyon, where they picnic and kiss. I honestly was bored out of my mind on their date and really couldn’t focus on what they were saying because Megan’s eyebrows were so distracting. Chris seemed to like her though, and says it was the most romantic date he has ever had. Sorry Andi….
Onto the second group date where Kelsey, Britt, Amber, Kaitlyn, Ashley S., Juelia, Alissa, Trina, Jillian, Tracy, and Becca get to shoot zombies with Chris. Kaitlyn is stoked because shooting zombies is her “jam” and Ashley S. is stoked because she gets to shoot the other girls….oh wait, that’s not part of the game, psychopath. This has to have been the weirdest and scariest date ever. Is this what people in Iowa do for fun? Plan for the next apocalypse?
After some paintball fun, Chris spends some one-on-one time with the girls. Britt gets a kiss card, but not a rose. Kaitlyn gets a kiss and the rose, which upsets Britt. Kaitlyn also admits to Chris that her last relationship ended because she didn’t want to put her life on hold and live in Germany anymore, but she seems to be into her new plan of putting her life on hold and living in Iowa for the rest of her life…
I think the most unsettling part of this group date was Ashley S. and her real life zombie problem. Is this girl for real? According to the girls on the show, she really is crazy, but I have my doubts. No one can be that crazy and still get a rose at the end of the episode. Chris states that he just isn’t ready to give up on her and needs some one on one time to see her true colors. I just hope she doesn’t have the “boom” conversation with him too. He is too nice for this kind of crazy.
At the cocktail party, Ashley S. tells Mackenzie that she has never had a boyfriend and is a virgin. Mackenzie then reacts by saying that she is jealous and wishes she was a virgin too, pretty much saying she wishes she didn’t have her kid. And really, who thinks Ashley S. is a virgin? Her make out session with Chris was a bit too intense to not have ever had a boyfriend.
Chris starts kissing everyone during this cocktail party, including Amber. Amber goes and tells her friends. Jordan wants in on the kissing action and tries to sloppily kiss Chris on their one on one time. She has had a bit too much to drink, which seems to be a regular occurrence, and surprisingly, Chris shoots her down.
At the rose ceremony Kimberly gets the boot (again), Tara is left empty handed, and so is Tandra, Jordan, and Alissa. I’m sure ABC encouraged Chris to keep Ashley S. around for a least one more week. I hope she gets a one on one, at least then the show may be semi-interesting. I’m sorry, but this week was a yawn fest. These girls need to step it up and Chris needs to start getting rid of the trash. The people in Iowa are holding their breath hoping that Ashley I. and Mackenzie don’t make it back to the farm or else they are going to be rurally pissed.
In other Bachelor news, Andi Dorfman and Josh Murray mutually decided to end their engagement. Does this mean she will be a surprise guest on Chris’s season and ask for a second chance at love? If Kimberly did it, why can’t Andi? Now there’s a twist that no one will see coming.